Teaser
I thought alcohol led to passion—so why did I wake up with regret?
On the fast lane? Read the summary
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Alcohol impairs judgment, lowers inhibitions, and blurs the lines of consent, increasing risky and unwanted encounters.
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Drinking makes intimacy feel easier, but it often weakens real connection and emotional presence.
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Alcohol advertising sells the fantasy of romance, but true confidence and attraction grow stronger in recovery.
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Studies link alcohol use to unprotected sex, STIs, and unintended pregnancies, highlighting its hidden consequences.
As I poured my third glass of wine, the world seemed to soften around the edges, and I felt ready for a night of romance. But the next morning, clutching at fragments of memory, I found myself scanning the floor for signs of a used condom. The sinking feeling of not finding one only deepened my fear—had my blurred judgment compromised more than just my memory?
One thing I don’t miss about my drinking days is the morning-after panic. Waking up in a strange hotel room, trying to piece together the night before. Staring at the sleeping face beside me, feeling a hollow emptiness where affection should be.
Alcohol, Romance and Connection
A few drinks used to feel like the perfect wingman for an exciting sexual encounter. The dim glow of the bar, the warm buzz of a second glass of wine, soft music humming in the background—all setting the stage for a night of passion.
Dating without alcohol once felt impossible. The thought of losing that easy, hazy confidence, of stepping into intimacy without something to take the edge off, left me uneasy. Would a romantic night feel the same? Could I still slip into easy, filter-free conversation without a drink in hand?
If you’re thinking about letting alcohol go but fear what it might do to your dating life, I’ve been there. I know that hesitation.
Alcohol in Advertising: Selling the Fantasy
Have you ever wondered how we came to see fermented grapefruit juice—containing the same ethanol found in gasoline—as a gateway to romance and passion?
We don’t learn to see alcohol this way out of thin air. Our perceptions and beliefs are shaped by experiences, observations, and the messages we absorb. One of my favorite ads was Martini’s "Luck is an Attitude." With playful jazz in the background, a confident young man moves through a glamorous crowd, martini in hand. The clear liquor gleams in his glass, as if holding the key to effortless charm. Watching it, I couldn’t help but believe it would grant me the same magnetic pull, leading me to the passionate encounters I longed for.
The message, coupled with my own experience—feeling the filter melt into the background after the second martini, laughter coming easier, and conversation flowing organically—convinced me that alcohol was a necessary facilitator for romantic nights.
The Reality Check: Alcohol & Real Intimacy
Only after I left alcohol behind did I start questioning the real connection between that clear liquid in the bottle and the deep intimacy I longed for.
As a 30-something-year-old adult, I now firmly believe that safe sex makes good sex. Consensual sex—built on mutual respect and proper protection—is the foundation of true connection and romance.
Yet, alcohol, so often seen as a romance enhancer, compromises this very foundation. And that shouldn’t be surprising. Even the most responsible person can struggle to make sound choices under the influence. Alcohol shuts down the frontal lobe—the brain’s judgment center—making us less aware of social cues and blind to potential risks.
Alcohol & Consent: A Dangerous Mix
One of the most dangerous ways alcohol interferes with intimacy is by blurring the lines of consent.
Research shows that roughly half of all sexual assaults on college campuses involve alcohol. Estimates suggest that 30-75% of assaults occur when the perpetrator is under the influence—often, the victim is intoxicated as well.
Alcohol lowers inhibitions and increases aggression, making it more likely for someone to disregard boundaries and use force. It also shuts down our internal alarm system, making it easier to miss early red flags and fall into dangerous situations.
In my 20s, I followed many strangers home after brief encounters in a bar. Looking back, I feel fortunate that nothing bad ever happened to me.
Alcohol & Risky Behavior: The Hidden Costs
Alcohol doesn’t just alter our perception of consent—it also clouds our ability to make safe, responsible decisions about protection.
Studies show that for every 0.1 mg/ml increase in blood alcohol concentration (BAC), the likelihood of engaging in unprotected sex rises by 5%.
This strong correlation between alcohol use and risky sexual behavior is no coincidence:
- Alcohol misuse is linked to higher rates of sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
- 56% of unintended pregnancies involve alcohol use.
For most of us, STIs or unintended pregnancies aren’t part of the romantic picture. Yet when alcohol clouds our judgment, we make choices we wouldn’t otherwise make—often with people we wouldn’t have engaged with sober.
You’re here because life has called you to an adventure—to unlock your better self with...
- A renewed relationship with alcohol;
- Deepened insights and an upgraded toolkit;
- Positive habits that support personal growth;
- And a life guided by purpose and fulfillment.
But before a hero can claim their ultimate prize, they must first navigate trials and move through stages, including:
Breaking Free: Rewriting the Alcohol & Romance Narrative
As a sobriety coach, I work with men and women who want to take a break from alcohol or leave it behind for good. Many have tried willpower and white-knuckling, only to end up feeling deprived—like they’re missing out. That’s because most mainstream methods focus on drinking less, rather than addressing the deeper beliefs that drive the desire to drink in the first place.
However, modifying alcohol consumption is only one piece of the puzzle. Real, lasting change happens when we address all four pillars of what I call the Sobriety System—a framework designed to reshape not just habits but the beliefs that fuel them.
Beliefs are the invisible force behind our actions. They shape our thoughts, influence our emotions, and drive our behaviors. Take the belief: "Without alcohol, romance just isn’t the same." That belief keeps alcohol tied to dating, making it feel essential for connection. When we remove alcohol from the picture, we feel deprived—like we’ve lost something.
Values
Value is the driving force behind our actions and choices and our inner compass toward a life of purpose and fulfillment.
With clarity and awareness, it gives us the motivation and strength to move fiercely towards our dream life even in the face of challenges and setbacks. Without clarity and awareness, it is the invisible force that directs our actions and choices.
Beliefs
Beliefs are what we think or feel is true. They are deeply held, underlying assumptions or convictions about oneself, others, and the world around us. Beliefs often feel absolute and it shapes our reality.
Beliefs are often an oversimplified version of reality and only partially true. However - they become our “ reality”, and shape our feelings, mold our desires, and guide our actions. Some beliefs are limiting. A limiting belief is a belief that holds you back and restricts you in certain ways.
Belief is one of the most crucial links in the sobriety system and plays a determinating role in helping us make effortless, long-lasting change, and turn sobriety into a 2nd nature,
Actions
Actions are behaviors and activities based on our values, predominant feelings, and desires.
In the most simplified version: Fear and pain often lead to avoidance, whereas joy and pleasure lead to approach.
Our actions then produce results that reinforce our existing beliefs. Belief, action, and result together create a feedback loop - a spiral of repetition and reinforcement.
Results
The last pillar is the result - the outcome of our actions.
Due to confirmation bias, we turn to interpret the outcome of our action in the frame of our existing beliefs, which creates a feedback loop where results and beliefs reinforce each other and lead to a repetition of similar actions, and then similar results.
The feedback loop can become the spiral that keeps old, outdated habits alive - I like to call it the addiction spiral. But by consciously upgrading our beliefs and actions, we can unlock a loop of growth and new empowerment habits.
Ready to break free?
To truly break free, we need to bring these beliefs to light, examine where they come from, and rewrite them in a way that supports our desires and goals. Learn more about my 3-Step Rewrite Guide, a structured approach to replacing outdated beliefs with ones that align with who you’re becoming—rather than keeping you stuck in who you used to be.
Alcohol, Sex, and Intimacy
The Passion Myth: Reclaiming Authentic Intimacy Without Alcohol || On-Demand with Instant Access
$40.00 USD
Jeanette Hu
A former daily drinker turned psychotherapist and sober curiosity coach, Jeanette is obsessed with helping growth-minded individuals take a break from alcohol, cast aside the limiting beliefs that keep them stuck, and build new tools to let go of the crush of bottles.
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} #block-1738943868009 .block { border: 4px black; border-radius: 4px; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; } @media (min-width: 768px) { #block-1738943868009 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1738943868009 .block { padding: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; } } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1738943868009 { text-align: left; } } #block-1738943868009 .image__image { max-width: 50%; border-radius: 4px; } #block-1738943868009 .image__image { float: left; margin-right: 15px; margin-bottom: 10px; } #block-1701079728979 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1701079728979 .block { border: 4px dashed #feed00; border-radius: 4px; background-color: #000000; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 20px; padding-right: 20px; padding-bottom: 20px; padding-left: 20px; } @media (min-width: 768px) { #block-1701079728979 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1701079728979 .block { padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 30px; padding-right: 30px; padding-bottom: 30px; padding-left: 30px; } } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1701079728979 { text-align: left; } } #block-1701079728979 .accordion-title h5 { margin: 0; cursor: pointer; } #block-1701079728979 .accordion-body { padding-top: 24px; } #block-1701079728979 .accordion-title.collapsed:after { content: "\f067"; margin-left: 24px; } #block-1701079728979 .accordion-title:after { content: "\f068"; margin-left: 24px; color: #ff65be; } #block-1701079740092 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1701079740092 .block { border: 4px dashed #feed00; border-radius: 4px; background-color: #000000; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 20px; padding-right: 20px; padding-bottom: 20px; padding-left: 20px; } @media (min-width: 768px) { #block-1701079740092 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1701079740092 .block { padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 30px; padding-right: 30px; padding-bottom: 30px; padding-left: 30px; } } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1701079740092 { text-align: left; } } #block-1701079740092 .accordion-title h5 { margin: 0; cursor: pointer; } #block-1701079740092 .accordion-body { padding-top: 24px; } #block-1701079740092 .accordion-title.collapsed:after { content: "\f067"; margin-left: 24px; } #block-1701079740092 .accordion-title:after { content: "\f068"; margin-left: 24px; color: #ff65be; } #block-1738944019063 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1738944019063 .block { border: 4px dashed #feed00; border-radius: 4px; background-color: #000000; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 20px; padding-right: 20px; padding-bottom: 20px; padding-left: 20px; } @media (min-width: 768px) { #block-1738944019063 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1738944019063 .block { padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 30px; padding-right: 30px; padding-bottom: 30px; padding-left: 30px; } } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1738944019063 { text-align: left; } } #block-1738944019063 .accordion-title h5 { margin: 0; cursor: pointer; } #block-1738944019063 .accordion-body { padding-top: 24px; } #block-1738944019063 .accordion-title.collapsed:after { content: "\f067"; margin-left: 24px; } #block-1738944019063 .accordion-title:after { content: "\f068"; margin-left: 24px; color: #ff65be; } #block-1738944012031 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1738944012031 .block { border: 4px dashed #feed00; border-radius: 4px; background-color: #000000; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 20px; padding-right: 20px; padding-bottom: 20px; padding-left: 20px; } @media (min-width: 768px) { #block-1738944012031 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1738944012031 .block { padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 30px; padding-right: 30px; padding-bottom: 30px; padding-left: 30px; } } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1738944012031 { text-align: left; } } #block-1738944012031 .accordion-title h5 { margin: 0; cursor: pointer; } #block-1738944012031 .accordion-body { padding-top: 24px; } #block-1738944012031 .accordion-title.collapsed:after { content: "\f067"; margin-left: 24px; } #block-1738944012031 .accordion-title:after { content: "\f068"; margin-left: 24px; color: #ff65be; } #block-1694873394061 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1694873394061 .block { border: 4px black; border-radius: 4px; background-color: #000000; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 15px; padding-right: 15px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 15px; } @media (min-width: 768px) { #block-1694873394061 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1694873394061 .block { padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 25px; padding-right: 25px; padding-bottom: 25px; padding-left: 25px; } } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1694873394061 { text-align: left; } } #block-1577982541036_0 .btn { margin-top: 1rem; } #block-1739037715504 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1739037715504 .block { border: 3px solid #ff65be; border-radius: 4px; background-color: #000000; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 15px; padding-right: 15px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 15px; } @media (min-width: 768px) { #block-1739037715504 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1739037715504 .block { padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 25px; padding-right: 25px; padding-bottom: 25px; padding-left: 25px; } } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1739037715504 { text-align: center; } } #block-1739037715504 .form-btn { border-color: #feed00; border-radius: 4px; background: #feed00; color: #ff65be; } #block-1739037715504 .btn--outline { color: #feed00; background: transparent; } #block-1739037715504 .disclaimer-text { font-size: 16px; margin-top: 1.25rem; margin-bottom: 0; color: #888; } .parsley-errors-list {display: none;} #block-1739038566495 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1739038566495 .block { border: 4px double #feed00; border-radius: 4px; background-color: #000000; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; } @media (min-width: 768px) { #block-1739038566495 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1739038566495 .block { padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; } } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1739038566495 { text-align: left; } } #block-1696522456141 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1696522456141 .block { border: 1px solid #ECF0F1; border-radius: 10px; background-color: #feed00; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 15px; padding-right: 15px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 15px; } @media (min-width: 768px) { #block-1696522456141 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1696522456141 .block { padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 15px; padding-right: 15px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 15px; } } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1696522456141 { text-align: center; } } #block-1696522456141 .feature__image, [data-slick-id="1696522456141"] .feature__image { width: 100px; border-radius: 100px; } .authorfeature { display: flex; align-items: flex-start; position: relative; } .authorfeature__image-container { flex-shrink: 0; margin-right: 20px; } .authorfeature__image { max-width: 150px; height: auto; } .authorfeature__content { flex-grow: 1; } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1696522456141 .authorfeature { flex-direction: column; align-items: center; } #block-1696522456141 .authorfeature__image-container { margin-right: 0; } } .awesomecontainer { background: #000000; h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6, p, ul, li, .block-type--table table {color: #ffffff;} padding-top: 15px; padding-right: 15px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 15px; } .awesomecontainer .row { -webkit-box-align: flex-start; -ms-flex-align: flex-start; align-items: flex-start; } .awesomecontainer .row .block-type--accordion { align-self: flex-start; }
